Private Thoughts and Writings
Success!! At last, I have created what appears to be a viable experiment. All in the name of blessed SCIENCE!!! The last three days have been a whirlwind of research, perusal of Dr Love’s gift of the redacted notes, and transcribing and redacting my own for Dr Five’s viewings. I have slept only the barest minimum for proper function but I have finally succeeded.
I call this the Perdition Project. This not the great Zion I had hoped for, true. But if successful, I will finally have accomplished at least something. It is not the ultimate Experiment, the perfect Paradise of Science that I hope for, but it is something. A purgatory of Science and experimentation, if you will.
I tinkered with this latest experiment more than I have with my proper Zion experiments. The Zion’s I attempt to keep pure as possible, but this… I hoped to create an experiment that would be easier to monitor and control, easier to keep pure. In the end, I think I may have accomplished this. Using some of the material I gathered myself, along with some of the material Eyes helped me to obtain, has hopefully produced the desired results.
Now to wait for the Perdition to come to fruition.
In more personal matters, Eyes has accepted my invitation to live here at Gossamer Home. I extended the invitation saying he could stay “As long as he would like” and offered the same to Blade as well. She refused my offer of staying here on a permanent basis, but has chosen instead to remain at her flat and only visit once or twice a week. Perhaps in time she will come to enjoy her stay here and will decide to make Gossamer Home hers, too.
Eyes has done quite well for himself these last few days, and seems to be easing into life here rather well. He is an eager student when it comes to learning his letters, any time I spend reading or working on my papers, he is there with me working on his penmanship. I believe he feels embarrassed by his poor handwriting (though I personally think he is doing quite well all things considered). The man does love his sweets, and he is rather fond of music as well. Given the opportunity I think he would spend all of his time indulging in sweet treats and dancing.
He is quite timid though. Even though he is obviously a man, in quite a number of ways I (and my young maid) can assure you, sometimes my dealings with him feel like… Well… It’s a bit like trying to teach an animal that has been beaten and mistreated to trust you again. The animals in the research labs at the University were a bit like that. At least the ones who had had been the subjects of the cruelest of experiments. You had to hold out your hand to them and allow them to come to you. No sudden movements. No touching them without their permission. Not too much direct eye contact. And do not, by any means, let them think for even a moment that you are either afraid or have let down your guard.
Eyes seems quite a lot like that. Which is unsurprising, given the things I saw from his memories. If even half of them are true (and I’ve no reason to think any of them are false) then he has even more reason than the rats and mice to fear people, doctors especially. He seems to trust me though. Which is good. And he looks healthier, if not happier, which is better. Maybe in time he will begin to feel human again.
Blade on the other hand. She is an enigma. I have the hardest time predicting her responses or understanding some of her ways. I believe it may be that we come from such vastly different worlds. I grew up surrounded by the finer things in life. I never knew what it was like to not eat real food. To not have running water and a roof over my head. I never had to beg or to steal to survive. I certainly did not have to sell my body to keep my bed (not that Blade herself is a woman of ill repute mind you, but she tells stories about some of the women who live in the flats around her and well…)!
Perhaps Blade feels that I pity her, and she does not want to accept pity. Or, perhaps she feels small, surrounded by my own small wealth and decadence. Perhaps when forced to compare, she feels rather like a dirty shilling lying on a pristine velvet glove. I have no way of knowing. I only know that she does not seem comfortable around me yet, nor in my home. But she seems to be coming along, and it seems as though she is glad that Eyes is happy here. I hope that she comes to accept my invitation, I truly do.
I know that others in my social circles have difficulty understanding my ways. Its not just that I chose the medical profession and then devoted all of my life to research. Or that the few actual patients I do treat are usually the less fortunate who can not afford high quality care. They also are not accepting of my desire (almost need) to help the poor. The concept that those with better means should help those with less is an alien idea to them. I suppose it makes me look weak in their eyes.
It is no matter. I will continue to live the life I have chosen. To work on my experiments and enjoy the company and companionship of my new friends. I have done nothing that could tarnish my reputation thus far. Or, at least, nothing they do not already expect from me. So what should it matter, what they think? Let them talk. Though, I suppose their tongues may wag at the idea of a poor single man moving into the home of a wealthy single woman… Perhaps it might be wise to let them think he is my bodyguard or servant…